I always lay out these detailed plans for how I'm going to change things. I'll document everything I'm going to do down to the minute. Workout, eat, shower, class, home, chores, read, write, Netflix and sleep each detailed out on a weekly calendar whiteboard that sits on my bathroom wall. I bought it when I was still doing sales and had tons of free time on my hands.
Lately, I've found myself ignoring most every bit of my weekly schedule. Right now there are no less than six different piles of laundry scattered through my house; Red Dawn has been sitting in an envelope to be mailed back since last Tuesday; and my workout regimen usually falls flat on day two. I don't think it's for a lack of trying. Every morning I wake up at 7:30 - OK sometimes it's more like 8:30 or 9:30 if I feel particularly shitty - then one of two things happens. Either I jump out of bed and head downstairs to start the day right, or I roll over and lay in bed fighting off the day.
I'm not lazy, but no one is going to write a testament to my work ethic, either. I guess I'm just impatient. I want everything now. When I started at Circus I wanted to be a great writer. Then I got pissy when I hit my first case of writer's block. I don't like to finish things when they aren't perfect. That's why I struggle to get back in shape because all I can think of is how much worse I'm doing. I expect great things from myself and when I don't deliver I just fall into a repetitive cycle of putting it off, then getting pissed, then putting it off that just goes on and on till moments like this when I realize what a whiny bitch I'm being.
Anyway, it's always good to have a little introspection when you can't sleep. Better stuff is coming.
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